WHAT TO DO WHEN MEMBER IN YOUR FAMILY HAVE PROBLEM WITH PATHOLOGICAL GAMBLING? 

When there’s a problem or compulsive gambler in the family, more than just the gambler is negatively affected. The entire family suffers as a result of the behavior and thinking of the gambling addict. How each family is impacted depends on the severity of the gambling problem, how long it has gone on, the closeness of the relationship with the gambler and other factors. Serious financial, psychological, emotional, social and legal problems may completely undermine family functioning to the point of collapse.

How to help with a gambling problem Compulsive and problem gamblers often need the support of their family and friends to help them in their struggle to stop gambling. But the decision to quit has to be theirs. As much as you may want to, and as hard as it is seeing the effects, you cannot make someone stop gambling. If your family member has a gambling problem, you may have many conflicting emotions. You may try to cover up for a loved one or spend a lot of time and energy trying to keep him or her from gambling. At the same time, you might be furious at your loved one for gambling again and tired of trying to keep up the charade. The gambler may also have borrowed (or even stolen) money from you with no way to pay it back.

It can be painful and frustrating to see someone you love suffer from a gambling problem. Even worse, you may be suffering the negative impacts of problem gambling even though you don't have the problem. Remember that it's not your fault. You did not create the problem. And unfortunately you cannot make a gambler stop gambling. But you may be able to help your friend or loved one to help themselves.

Tools for family members of problem gamblers

Start by helping yourself. You have a right to protect yourself emotionally and financially. Don’t blame yourself for the gambler’s problems. The right support can help you make positive choices for yourself, and balance encouraging your loved one to get help without losing yourself in the process.

Don’t go it alone. It can feel so overwhelming coping with a loved one’s problem gambling that it may seem easier to rationalize their requests and problems “this one last time”. Or you might feel ashamed, feeling like you are the only one who has problems like this. Reaching out for support will make you realize that many families have struggled with this problem. Or you might consider therapy to help sort out the complicated feelings that arise from coping with a problem gambler.

Learn to say "NO" to the problem gambler. This will force the gambler to face the problem head-on. Try to unify friends and family in saying no as well. Set boundaries in managing money. If a loved one is serious about getting help for problem gambling, it may help if you take over the family finances to make sure the gambler stays accountable and to prevent relapse. However, this does not mean you are responsible for micromanaging the problem gamblers impulses to gamble. Your first responsibilities are to ensure that your own finances and credit are not at risk.

Consider how you will handle requests for money. Problem gamblers often become very good at asking for money, either directly or indirectly. They may use pleading, manipulation or even threats and blaming to get it. It takes time and practice to learn how you will respond to these requests to ensure you are not enabling the problem gambler and keeping your own dignity intact.

Learn as much as you can about problem gambling including its warning signs, negative impacts and options for help and recovery. When confronting someone about problem gambling, stay calm and be supportive. Tell them how their gambling affects you. Recognize their good qualities and any positive steps they have made.

Don’t preach, lecture, or allow yourself to lose control of your anger. Also don’t exclude the gambler from family life and activities.

Don’t expect immediate recovery, or that all problems will be resolved when the gambling stops. Remember that change takes time, effort and often several attempts to be successful. Be sure to identify triggers and help them learn how to deal with urges to gamble.

SOURCE:https://www.elementsbehavioralhealth.com/behavioral-process-addictions/how-problem-gambling-affects-the-family/

SOURCE:http://www.paproblemgambling.com/get-help

SOURCE:http://www.haveigotaproblem.com/download/331/Helping-a-family-member-with-a-gambling-problem

SOURCE:http://www.masscompulsivegambling.org/get-help/help-for-family-members/

QUOTES FOR ADDICTION RECOVERY

If you’re struggling to overcome an addiction, no one needs to tell you it’s tough – you’re living it. Sometimes you could use a few encouraging words to remind you that you’re not in this alone and that, yes, change really is possible. Here are some quotes for addiction recovery that can strengthen your will and path while overcoming your addiction problem:

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” – Henry Ford

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” – Carl Bard

“If things go wrong, don’t go with them.” – Roger Babson

“Our greatest glory is not in ever failing, but in rising up every time we fail.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“If you can quit for a day, you can quit for a lifetime.” – Benjamin Alire Sáenz

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” – Jimmy Dean

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” – Harriet Beecher Stowe

“You must do the things you think you cannot do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“What is addiction, really? It is a sign, a signal, a symptom of distress. It is a language that tells us about a plight that must be understood.” – Alice Miller

“If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you never will change the outcome.” – Michael Jordan

If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” – Vincent Van Gogh

“To improve the golden moment of opportunity, and catch the good that is within our reach, is the great art of life.” – Samuel Johnson

“Happiness is where we find it, but rarely where we seek it.” – J. Petit Senn

“If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up some place else.” – Yogi Berra

“Amazing how we can light tomorrow with today.” – Elizabeth Barrett Browning

“Sometimes we motivate ourselves by thinking of what we want to become. Sometimes we motivate ourselves by thinking about who we don’t ever want to be again.” – Shane Niemeyer

“Every noble work is at first impossible.” – Thomas Carlyle

“Not feeling is no replacement for reality. Your problems today are still your problems tomorrow.” – Larry Michael Dredla

“I think that the power is the principle. The principle of moving forward, as though you have the confidence to move forward, eventually gives you confidence when you look back and see what you’ve done.” – Robert Downey Jr.

“Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.” – Charlotte Whitton

“Every experience in your life is being orchestrated to teach you something you need to know to move forward.” – Brian Tracy

SOURCE: http://www.addictiontreatmentpost.com/addiction-recovery-quotes-overcome-fear/

SOURCE: https://www.addiction.com/7215/70-best-quotes-for-addiction-recovery/

WHAT REALLY CAUSES ADDICTION?

     The word “addiction” is derived from a Latin term for “enslaved by” or “bound to.” Anyone who has struggled to overcome an addiction—or has tried to help someone else to do so—understands why. Addiction is a condition that results when a person ingests a substance (e.g., alcohol, cocaine, nicotine) or engages in an activity (e.g., gambling, sex, shopping) that can be pleasurable but the continued use/act of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life responsibilities, such as work, relationships, or health. Users may not be aware that their behavior is out of control and causing problems for themselves and others.

     Most addictive behavior is not related to either physical tolerance or exposure to cues. People compulsively use drugs, gamble, or shop nearly always in reaction to being emotionally stressed, whether or not they have a physical addiction. Since these psychologically based addictions are not based on drug or brain effects, they can account for why people frequently switch addictive actions from one drug to a completely different kind of drug, or even to a non-drug behavior. The focus of the addiction isn't what matters; it's the need to take action under certain kinds of stress. Treating this kind of addiction requires an understanding of how it works psychologically.

What really causes addiction — to everything from cocaine to smart-phones? And how can we overcome it? Johann Hari has seen our current methods fail firsthand, as he has watched loved ones struggle to manage their addictions. He started to wonder why we treat addicts the way we do — and if there might be a better way. As he shares in this deeply personal talk, his questions took him around the world, and unearthed some surprising and hopeful ways of thinking about an age-old problem.

     It is not enough to “just say no”. Instead, you can protect (and heal) yourself from addiction by saying “yes” to other things. Cultivate diverse interests that provide meaning to your life. Understand that your problems usually are transient, and perhaps most importantly, acknowledge that life is not always supposed to be pleasurable.

SOURCE: https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/addiction
SOURCE: https://www.ted.com/talks

 

DEALING WITH GAMBLING FROM OUR PERSPECTIVE:

 

Do you want to stop gambling? Do you really want to stop gambling or want to return the money you owe? Do you really want to stop gambling or you're just fed up now, you're tired of the losses, quarrels and mistrust. Do you promise what you really think or what you would like to think?

If you really want to stop gambling then make a decision and go solve the problem. Time will pass whatever you are doing ... what kind of mood will you celebrate summer? As a winner or a loser? It depends on you and the skills and knowledge to deal with excuses that came bursting from all sides.

We'll teach you how not to gamble. Easy ...

Pathological gambling addiction like any other disease has its phases.

Repayment of debts can't solve the problem, but it is deepening the problem. Gambler will pray, promise, will be ready to swear in all the world. He meant it at the time because he was tired of the lies, manipulation, pressure lenders, interest and who knows what else ... But what happens when the money back and body rest? Again, all in a circle !!!

Do not try to solve the problem or prohibitions to experiment with your own methods because you will lose time and money. You must know that gamblers doing well in 'their world'  of manipulations. It is easier to defend the system regardless of the price, but to begin to build a new one.

The work of Herc Time Center includes:

 

• Initial psychological assessment-determining the intensity of pathological gambling problem and  the consequences of this problem.
• Individual psychological counseling combined with unique program developed by Dejan Stankovic (head of  Herc Time Center). The work includes construction of defense towers, visualization pulses and decoding the wrong behavior patterns.
• Monitoring progress of the client as well as the evaluation of the program.
   

There are no unsolvable problems. Anyone who has a problem with gambling has in itself the wrong program which needs to be interpreted, decoded and replaced with new and correct program. This can't be done by someone from their environment: parents, family, doctors, psychologists, only by someone who understands the problem. In the Herc Time Center we are helping people to understand the mechanisms of the problem and to find right and permanent solution in its own model with the patterns of behavior analyzes.

 

GOODBYE GAMBLING

fragments from the book based on a true story

by Dejan Stankovic

If you’re reading this book, chances are you’ve felt gambling’s bittersweet taste, and somewhere inside you, the struggle between good and evil, between life and death, has begun.  I know you’re weak, and unsure of your ultimate success, but don’t worry.  Deep down, everything that’s happening to you is the same as what I endured while I was a pathological gambler, and there are many others like me who’ve gone through the same things and managed to slay the invisible monster known as Gambling.

Maybe you don’t think you’re a gambler, but as they say “time will tell.”  The longer you deceive yourself, the higher the price you’ll pay.  The price is not a sum of money, but the weight of the albatross(es) around your neck that will only grow heavier with time, and prove difficult to live with, not to mention the suffering of your parents, brothers, sisters, children…

Your behavior opens a door through which restlessness, fear, and later, illness will come, uninvited, for what’s theirs, i.e. yours.  Don’t allow yourself to fall into the trap, but if it has already begun to close in around you, get out as quickly as you can.  As the saying goes: whether the stone hits the pitcher or the pitcher hits the stone, it’s going to be bad for the pitcher.  However intelligent you may be, however different you think you are from everyone else, please understand that in the gambling machinery, you’re just one of the slaves, just one in a series of losers.  Understand that you are nothing.

It’s not my intention to reason with you, or convince you to stop.  I only want to present an offer of life on two separate counters.  You chose which one you prefer.

If you want to deceive and owe, to be banished because of money as the interest piles up… if you’d rather be worry about the game than take a walk with your girlfriend… if winning is more precious to you than your mother’s laughter… make that choice.  Just know that you’re sick.  Don’t get angry, but things need to be called by their proper names.  It’s not a lifestyle, it’s a DISEASE.

I have faith in your intelligence, and that you’ll at least admit that I’m right.  Get into a fight with that infernal industry and turn your back on it.  Then you’ll look into life and see everything you haven’t seen until now.  Believe that until this point, you’d been in the dark.  I think you deserve a chance.  What about you?

Though the struggle is difficult, you’ll begin to see quickly, and in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king!!!

That’s enough now!

LIFE AFTER GAMBLING

(letter from the wife of our client)

In this way I would like to thank Herc Time Center for everything they have done for my family and me. If we didn't go to Novi Sad, I don't believe that we will be still together and who knows how his life would end. He is only 32 years old. This problem was too big and no one was able to help us. Kilometers couldn't be an obstacle and no money cold return a wasted life. 

My husband was a pathological gambler. When he admitted to family that he's a gambler, in a few days he went to the community of treated addicts. He stayed there about a month, but without any progress. He needed an isolation as soon as possible. Then we knew too little about gambling and about program of  Herc Time Center. In the community he didn't get answers to all the questions that have troubled him for years. Personally, I think that the community wasn't good for him, because there are a lot of people with addiction problems, like drugs, alcohol, but not that much with gambling problem. They share experiences with each other, talk, but they don't have professional assistance. The community is linked to the church and works on the principle if you have work habits and true values, like believing in Good, your problems will be solved. That principle didn't help my husband. In Herc Time Center, we got all the answers we needed, and we are so thankful to them for that. 

I would like to thank Herc Time Center,  and to say to everyone who has a problem with gambling that there is a solution. Just call the Herc Time Center and you will receive all the right information at one place. Wandering can take you in the wrong direction. Life is only one and there's no place for mistakes like this one.