WHAT TO DO WHEN MEMBER IN YOUR FAMILY HAVE PROBLEM WITH PATHOLOGICAL GAMBLING? 

When there’s a problem or compulsive gambler in the family, more than just the gambler is negatively affected. The entire family suffers as a result of the behavior and thinking of the gambling addict. How each family is impacted depends on the severity of the gambling problem, how long it has gone on, the closeness of the relationship with the gambler and other factors. Serious financial, psychological, emotional, social and legal problems may completely undermine family functioning to the point of collapse.

How to help with a gambling problem Compulsive and problem gamblers often need the support of their family and friends to help them in their struggle to stop gambling. But the decision to quit has to be theirs. As much as you may want to, and as hard as it is seeing the effects, you cannot make someone stop gambling. If your family member has a gambling problem, you may have many conflicting emotions. You may try to cover up for a loved one or spend a lot of time and energy trying to keep him or her from gambling. At the same time, you might be furious at your loved one for gambling again and tired of trying to keep up the charade. The gambler may also have borrowed (or even stolen) money from you with no way to pay it back.

It can be painful and frustrating to see someone you love suffer from a gambling problem. Even worse, you may be suffering the negative impacts of problem gambling even though you don't have the problem. Remember that it's not your fault. You did not create the problem. And unfortunately you cannot make a gambler stop gambling. But you may be able to help your friend or loved one to help themselves.

Tools for family members of problem gamblers

Start by helping yourself. You have a right to protect yourself emotionally and financially. Don’t blame yourself for the gambler’s problems. The right support can help you make positive choices for yourself, and balance encouraging your loved one to get help without losing yourself in the process.

Don’t go it alone. It can feel so overwhelming coping with a loved one’s problem gambling that it may seem easier to rationalize their requests and problems “this one last time”. Or you might feel ashamed, feeling like you are the only one who has problems like this. Reaching out for support will make you realize that many families have struggled with this problem. Or you might consider therapy to help sort out the complicated feelings that arise from coping with a problem gambler.

Learn to say "NO" to the problem gambler. This will force the gambler to face the problem head-on. Try to unify friends and family in saying no as well. Set boundaries in managing money. If a loved one is serious about getting help for problem gambling, it may help if you take over the family finances to make sure the gambler stays accountable and to prevent relapse. However, this does not mean you are responsible for micromanaging the problem gamblers impulses to gamble. Your first responsibilities are to ensure that your own finances and credit are not at risk.

Consider how you will handle requests for money. Problem gamblers often become very good at asking for money, either directly or indirectly. They may use pleading, manipulation or even threats and blaming to get it. It takes time and practice to learn how you will respond to these requests to ensure you are not enabling the problem gambler and keeping your own dignity intact.

Learn as much as you can about problem gambling including its warning signs, negative impacts and options for help and recovery. When confronting someone about problem gambling, stay calm and be supportive. Tell them how their gambling affects you. Recognize their good qualities and any positive steps they have made.

Don’t preach, lecture, or allow yourself to lose control of your anger. Also don’t exclude the gambler from family life and activities.

Don’t expect immediate recovery, or that all problems will be resolved when the gambling stops. Remember that change takes time, effort and often several attempts to be successful. Be sure to identify triggers and help them learn how to deal with urges to gamble.

SOURCE:https://www.elementsbehavioralhealth.com/behavioral-process-addictions/how-problem-gambling-affects-the-family/

SOURCE:http://www.paproblemgambling.com/get-help

SOURCE:http://www.haveigotaproblem.com/download/331/Helping-a-family-member-with-a-gambling-problem

SOURCE:http://www.masscompulsivegambling.org/get-help/help-for-family-members/

HERC TIME TEAM ON THE WORLD MENTAL HELTH DAY

World Mental Health Day (10 October) is a day for global mental health education, awareness and advocacy agaist social stigma. It was first celebrated in 1992 at the initiative of the World Federation for Mental Health, a global mental health organization with members and contacts in more than 150 countries. This day, each October, thousands of supporters come to celebrate this annual awareness program to bring attention to mental illness and its major effects on peoples' life worldwide. 

Herc Time Team

QUOTES FOR ADDICTION RECOVERY

If you’re struggling to overcome an addiction, no one needs to tell you it’s tough – you’re living it. Sometimes you could use a few encouraging words to remind you that you’re not in this alone and that, yes, change really is possible. Here are some quotes for addiction recovery that can strengthen your will and path while overcoming your addiction problem:

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” – Henry Ford

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” – Carl Bard

“If things go wrong, don’t go with them.” – Roger Babson

“Our greatest glory is not in ever failing, but in rising up every time we fail.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“If you can quit for a day, you can quit for a lifetime.” – Benjamin Alire Sáenz

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” – Jimmy Dean

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” – Harriet Beecher Stowe

“You must do the things you think you cannot do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“What is addiction, really? It is a sign, a signal, a symptom of distress. It is a language that tells us about a plight that must be understood.” – Alice Miller

“If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you never will change the outcome.” – Michael Jordan

If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” – Vincent Van Gogh

“To improve the golden moment of opportunity, and catch the good that is within our reach, is the great art of life.” – Samuel Johnson

“Happiness is where we find it, but rarely where we seek it.” – J. Petit Senn

“If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up some place else.” – Yogi Berra

“Amazing how we can light tomorrow with today.” – Elizabeth Barrett Browning

“Sometimes we motivate ourselves by thinking of what we want to become. Sometimes we motivate ourselves by thinking about who we don’t ever want to be again.” – Shane Niemeyer

“Every noble work is at first impossible.” – Thomas Carlyle

“Not feeling is no replacement for reality. Your problems today are still your problems tomorrow.” – Larry Michael Dredla

“I think that the power is the principle. The principle of moving forward, as though you have the confidence to move forward, eventually gives you confidence when you look back and see what you’ve done.” – Robert Downey Jr.

“Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.” – Charlotte Whitton

“Every experience in your life is being orchestrated to teach you something you need to know to move forward.” – Brian Tracy

SOURCE: http://www.addictiontreatmentpost.com/addiction-recovery-quotes-overcome-fear/

SOURCE: https://www.addiction.com/7215/70-best-quotes-for-addiction-recovery/

WHAT REALLY CAUSES ADDICTION?

     The word “addiction” is derived from a Latin term for “enslaved by” or “bound to.” Anyone who has struggled to overcome an addiction—or has tried to help someone else to do so—understands why. Addiction is a condition that results when a person ingests a substance (e.g., alcohol, cocaine, nicotine) or engages in an activity (e.g., gambling, sex, shopping) that can be pleasurable but the continued use/act of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life responsibilities, such as work, relationships, or health. Users may not be aware that their behavior is out of control and causing problems for themselves and others.

     Most addictive behavior is not related to either physical tolerance or exposure to cues. People compulsively use drugs, gamble, or shop nearly always in reaction to being emotionally stressed, whether or not they have a physical addiction. Since these psychologically based addictions are not based on drug or brain effects, they can account for why people frequently switch addictive actions from one drug to a completely different kind of drug, or even to a non-drug behavior. The focus of the addiction isn't what matters; it's the need to take action under certain kinds of stress. Treating this kind of addiction requires an understanding of how it works psychologically.

What really causes addiction — to everything from cocaine to smart-phones? And how can we overcome it? Johann Hari has seen our current methods fail firsthand, as he has watched loved ones struggle to manage their addictions. He started to wonder why we treat addicts the way we do — and if there might be a better way. As he shares in this deeply personal talk, his questions took him around the world, and unearthed some surprising and hopeful ways of thinking about an age-old problem.

     It is not enough to “just say no”. Instead, you can protect (and heal) yourself from addiction by saying “yes” to other things. Cultivate diverse interests that provide meaning to your life. Understand that your problems usually are transient, and perhaps most importantly, acknowledge that life is not always supposed to be pleasurable.

SOURCE: https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/addiction
SOURCE: https://www.ted.com/talks

HOW PROBLEM GAMBLING AFFECT THE  FAMILY 

When there’s a problem or compulsive gambler in the family, more than just the gambler is negatively affected. The entire family suffers as a result of the behavior and thinking of the gambling addict. Families may be affected in different ways. Gambling problems can be hidden for a long time; so many families are shocked when they learn how much money has been lost. Some relationships do not survive a gambling problem. Other families struggle through difficulties and grow stronger together. People can and do recover from problem gambling, but it takes time and patience to work through all the issues.

How each family is impacted depends on the severity of the gambling problem, how long it has gone on, the closeness of the relationship with the gambler and other factors. Serious financial, psychological, emotional, social and legal problems may completely undermine family functioning to the point of collapse.

Financial

The most common problem is the loss of money. Savings, property or belongings may suddenly be lost. This kind of money crisis makes the family feel scared, angry and betrayed.Out-of-control gambling and repeated gambling losses take a tremendous toll on the family finances. Well-meaning family members, usually the spouse of the gambler, often try to “help” the gambler by lending them money, bailing them out of financial difficulties, paying their bills, helping them to stash money to gamble, and other behaviors related to providing money to the gambler. This is classic enabling and does no good either for the gambler or his or her family. Ultimately, the financial losses become too great. The home may be forced into foreclosure. The family may have to declare bankruptcy. When bills can’t be paid because the gambler has squandered all the money on chasing the losses, more than just money is at stake. The provider can no longer provide, and everyone suffers.

Breakdown In Family Relationships

Trying to deal with the stress and tension brought on as a result of the gambler’s behavior jeopardizes the bond among family members. When the spouse, children, siblings and other family members can no longer trust the gambler, feel no sense of security, have no confidence in the gambler or even fear for their future, the result is a breakdown in the family relationships. Endless lies, staying out late or not coming home at all, threats, manipulation and violence or domestic abuse all contribute to the dissolution of family ties.Shame, avoidance of friends, secrecy and trying to hide the pain further magnify the isolation the family members feel as the gambler’s behavior gets more and more out of control.

Many families under stress have trouble coping. One member may try to keep things in control by taking on more tasks. This can lead to burnout. Family members often focus on the person with gambling problems, and forget to take care of themselves or to have fun.

Emotional Devastation

Gambling problems cause strong feelings.These feelings make it harder to solve problems. .Anxiety, guilt, shame, depression, insomnia, behavioral problems and emotional insecurity begin to afflict all the family members that are closest to or living in the same environment as the problem or compulsive gambler. The spouse or family members may hide their feelings and refrain from saying certain things, afraid that it may trigger an explosive outburst. Children often seek to distract the attention away from the gambler by being disruptive, comedic or inordinately charming, or they react in the opposite manner and become withdrawn, quiet, and fearful. Older children may assume the role of protector of the younger siblings, or attempt to pick up the responsibilities of one or both parents. They often try to overcompensate at school, believing that if they were only better in their scholastic achievement, maybe their gambling parent would love them more and quit gambling. The emotional roller coaster continues to wreak devastation on the children’s emotional development the longer the gambler keeps gambling and does not get treatment. But, again, everyone in the gambler’s family suffers emotional consequences.

Sexual Dysfunction

With no trust in the gambler, no belief in their word, the spouse of the gambler often withdraws from the relationship in the form of sex. What sex there is may become perfunctory at best. Harboring intense feelings of anger and blame, the non-gambling spouse cannot show feelings of love. As the cycle of gambling continues with even more damaging consequences, the gambler loses all desire for sexual intimacy – his or her life is now controlled by gambling. The result for the non-gambling spouse is often complete demoralization, loss of self-esteem and confidence.

Violence

Family violence is more common when families are in crisis.With tensions escalating at a dangerous pace, the arguments and emotional outbursts may end in violence. Gambling problems can lead to physical or emotional abuse of a partner, elder parent or child. Both parents may vent their anger at the children, while the children may try to stick up for one parent or defuse the tensions. They may also become pawns in the never-ending squabbling. The bigger the losses, the longer the out-of-control gambling goes on, the greater the potential for serious bodily harm to family members.

According to the systematic review, over half of people with gambling problems (56%) report perpetrating physical violence against their children (Dowling et al., in press). Moreover, several recent Australian studies have found that one-third to one-half (34-53%) of people with gambling problems and their family members report some form of family violence in the previous 12 months (victimisation (27-41%), perpetration (23-33%); Dowling, Jackson et al., 2014; Suomi et al., 2013). In these studies, parents, current partners and former partners were both the most common perpetrators and victims of the family violence. However, results from studies involving family members other than partners must be interpreted with caution. Only a few studies are available with large variability in reported prevalence estimates.

Gambling And Dependency

Some problem and compulsive gamblers have more than one dependency. It is commonly accepted that individuals with one type of addiction often have others as well. This may be an addiction to alcohol, illicit drugs, pharmaceutical drugs used for nonmedical purposes, or other type of substance. Just because someone gambles, however, doesn’t mean they’re automatically going to be addicted to something else, but the patterns of behavior are already established – particularly if one or more of the gambler’s parents had a problem with alcohol, drugs and/or gambling.

There are, of course, many gamblers who do not become otherwise addicted, saying that no other activity or substance gives them the kind of euphoria, excitement or “high” that gambling does.

SOURCE:https://aifs.gov.au/agrc/publications/impact-gambling-problems-families/what-are-impacts-gambling-problems-families

SOURCE:https://www.elementsbehavioralhealth.com/behavioral-process-addictions/how-problem-gambling-affects-the-family/

SOURCE:https://www.problemgambling.ca/gambling-help/support-for-families/how-are-families-affected.aspx

 

Relationship between gambling and mental health disorders

When many of us think about problem gambling, we are often drawn to the one obvious negative consequence – financial struggle.  It’s time we start talking about the elephant in the room – the connection between mental health and problem gambling.  No one is really sure which came first, but there are strong connections between problem gambling and mental health disorders such as anxiety, depression, bi-polar disorder, personality disorders, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). 

Anyone can develop a gambling problem – it does not depend on age, gender, income, education or ethnic background – and the transition from being a non-gambler to someone with a gambling problem can be swift. For people experiencing mental or physical health problems, stress, loneliness, anti solution, or loss and grief, the risk of problem gambling developing is greater. Problem gambling can be thought of as a behavioral addiction, sharing some features of other addictions such as alcoholism and drug addiction. Problem gambling is not easy to spot. Sometimes, by the time anyone realizes there is a problem, the person already has mental health problems and is close to financial ruin. Like other addictions, the longer problem gambling goes on, the harder it is to break free.

Some possible theories

 

While a well-developed theory to explain the nature of problem gambling is not available, the “self-medicating” hypothesis provides some physiological insight. This theory explains that human beings strive to maintain a balanced state of contentedness, free from anxiety, fear, or sadness. When there is a disturbance to the balance, through genetic or environmental factors, we attempt to regain the balance through whatever means available to us. At a neurochemical level, this balance is best known to be related to levels of the identifiable neurotransmitter dopamine. Common substances such as alcohol, nicotine, cocaine, etc., are known to increase the levels of dopamine, however transiently, thus restoring the sense of well-being. This explains why some individuals are more susceptible to being addicted to these substances. Recent studies have also found that gambling can increase the levels of dopamine, providing the link to a form of substanceless addiction.

Research has also linked a high level of impulsivity and compulsivity to a disturbance in the neurotransmitter serotonin. Correspondingly, many problem gamblers have difficulty controlling their impulsivity and compulsion, and recent research has shown that some of these gamblers indeed have a serotonin deficiency. The serotonin theory thus provides some insight into the nature of problem gambling as an impulsivity and compulsion problem.

Of course, a neurochemical and medicalized explanation of gambling problems is a gross oversimplification of the issue, and pathway 1 clients are unlikely to have many addiction, impulsivity or compulsion problems — their problem may be mostly environmental and circumstantial. Nevertheless, knowing the common neurochemical links does help us understand the relationship between problem gambling and other psychiatric disorders for pathway 2 and 3 clients. For example, a low level of serotonin is highly associated with major depression, attention deficits and anxiety disorders — perhaps those pathway 2 and 3 clients are more likely to have concurrent psychiatric disorders because of this shared neurochemical vulnerability.

It’s time we have the conversation about problem gambling and mental health to prevent any more negative consequences associated with either disorder. Some hope that the roll of the dice or the spin of the slot machines can help them have some fun in life and help them relax. In reality, over time it often makes the depression and anxiety worse.

In fact, one in five problem gamblers attempts suicide.  That number is two times higher for problem gambling than it is for any other addiction. The study also showed that gamblers who committed suicide were three times less likely to have consulted a health service in the year preceding their death. “Gamblers don’t consult professionals because they believe the problem will solve itself,” said Boyer. “They believe their financial or alcohol or drug problems are the result of gambling and therefore they seek a solution in gambling rather than get help.”

 

SOURCE:https://www.recoveryranch.com/articles/dual-diagnosis/gambling-addiction-often-co-occurs-with-other-disorder/

SOURCE:https://www.problemgambling.sa.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0020/12944/problem-gambling-and-depression-beyond-blue.pdf

CLIENTS ABOUT PROGRAM OF HERC TIME CENTER

 

I. G. (22): At the beginning I didn’t really have an idea how the program is going to look like. But as soon as it has started I gained a new will for engaging in it because I noticed a positive change in my behavior. I became aware of some things that were not important for me before. I learned how to behave in the right manner, how to speak for myself using ways of assertive communication, how to differ irrational from rational thinking and how to apply all those new mechanism in my fight with gambling.

A. H. (20): In the beginning I was feeling skeptical but during the rest of the counseling I realized that I am feeling better, that I am moving forward. That’s when I started to be sure that I am going to beat my problem. The fact which I like the most is that people from Herc Time were really involved and focused on me and my gambling problem. They were not interested only in taking my money and spending the rest of the program with no effort in helping me. They were trying really hard and they made it. 

N. K. (19): I was so afraid, scared to death… and I ended up extremely satisfied. I expected less than I actually got from the Herc Time and know I am feeling better on both fields – physical and mental. 

A. M. (28): In the beginning I didn’t expect too much. But, as the time was passing by, my expectations started  to grow big because during the program I have found myself again; I learned new mechanisms that helped me to improve the quality of my life and solve the gambling problem that I had. I was impressed the most when I realized how easily they found the core of my problem and how immediately we started to work on it with so much effort. Before the program, I believed that some huge philosophy is needed in order to help me but actually the key was more simple than that – now I believe that the most important and useful thing is to be always aware of yourself and others and to approach rationally to the world. It appears that we don’t need a lot in order to be happy.

M. K. (29): When I entered the program I was hostile and in resistance. Now I know that it was the consequence of my psychological condition at that time. After couple of sessions I let myself free and started to work with more trust in people from Herc Time who were trying really hard to explain me some things that later triggered my recovery. Now, after 5 months, I can say that they were right about everything they were saying. Every advice, every suggestion now perfectly makes sense. I cannot describe how thankful I am because they helped me and my family to close the door of the hell called gambling. 

P. M. (27): At the very beginning of the treatment I had no idea what is all about. Now I can say that the program is very good and different in comparison to many others I have heard about. Focus on presence and recognition of the impulse for gambling I found most useful in my case. But also, everything else that I have learned might be very helpful during everyday life. Many thanks to Herc Time team.

M. S. (30): I expected to stop gambling and to improve the quality of my life. And that is what I have got after only 2 month and 25 days. 

D. B. (25): The process I went through was really on a higher level. I learned a lot of things – how to behave in critical situations, how to react, what to change about myself, how to behave with others. I will definitely keep working on assertive communication. I learned a lot about consequences of gambling, how it can influence our organism and our conscience and have can I control my urges for gambling. I am here only 7 days and I am already feeling better – I am cheerful, refreshed and full of new information that I am ready to use in process of distancing from gambling. Treatment in Herc Time is completely professional. 

T. S. (27): When I came in Herc Time Center for the first time my only expectation was to solve the problem with gambling. But soon my appetite grew because I realized that I have an opportunity not only to work on gambling problem but to explore some other inner conflicts that are much deeper than gambling. The program is quite comprehensive and provides you a lot of support and challenges for dealing with yourself. I recommend you all to contact Herc Time Center for help, I am absolutely sure that you will make a progress and that you won’t regret any time and money.

S. M. (31): I came to Herc Time with an intention to heal and complete the program successfully. I came with no idea about the program that I was about to follow but already, after the first day, I realized that I am at the right place. I kept that feeling from day to day. I was feeling better and better as I was born again. Finally I was living normal life again. I find most important the approach they had towards me that helped me to relax and think clear-headed. People from Herc Time, just keep doing that way. THANK YOU A LOT FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME.