WHAT TO DO WHEN MEMBER IN YOUR FAMILY HAVE PROBLEM
WITH PATHOLOGICAL GAMBLING?
When there’s a problem or
compulsive gambler in the family, more than just the gambler is negatively
affected. The entire family suffers as a result of the behavior and thinking of
the gambling addict. How each family is impacted depends on the severity of the
gambling problem, how long it has gone on, the closeness of the relationship
with the gambler and other factors. Serious financial, psychological,
emotional, social and legal problems may completely undermine family
functioning to the point of collapse.
How
to help with a gambling problem Compulsive and problem gamblers often need the
support of their family and friends to help them in their struggle to stop
gambling. But the decision to quit has to be theirs. As much as you may want
to, and as hard as it is seeing the effects, you cannot make someone stop
gambling. If your family member has a gambling problem, you may have many
conflicting emotions. You may try to cover up for a loved one or spend a lot of
time and energy trying to keep him or her from gambling. At the same time, you
might be furious at your loved one for gambling again and tired of trying to
keep up the charade. The gambler may also have borrowed (or even stolen) money
from you with no way to pay it back.
It
can be painful and frustrating to see someone you love suffer from a gambling
problem. Even worse, you may be suffering the negative impacts of problem
gambling even though you don't have the problem. Remember that it's not your
fault. You did not create the problem. And unfortunately you cannot make a
gambler stop gambling. But you may be able to help your friend or loved one to
help themselves.
Tools for family members of problem gamblers
Start
by helping yourself. You have a right to protect yourself emotionally and
financially. Don’t blame yourself for the gambler’s problems. The right support
can help you make positive choices for yourself, and balance encouraging your
loved one to get help without losing yourself in the process.
Don’t
go it alone. It can feel so overwhelming coping with a loved one’s problem
gambling that it may seem easier to rationalize their requests and problems “this
one last time”. Or you might feel ashamed, feeling like you are the only one
who has problems like this. Reaching out for support will make you realize that
many families have struggled with this problem. Or you might consider therapy
to help sort out the complicated feelings that arise from coping with a problem
gambler.
Learn
to say "NO" to the problem gambler. This will force the gambler to
face the problem head-on. Try to unify friends and family in saying no as well.
Set boundaries in managing money. If a loved one is serious about getting help
for problem gambling, it may help if you take over the family finances to make
sure the gambler stays accountable and to prevent relapse. However, this does
not mean you are responsible for micromanaging the problem gamblers impulses to
gamble. Your first responsibilities are to ensure that your own finances and
credit are not at risk.
Consider
how you will handle requests for money. Problem gamblers often become very good
at asking for money, either directly or indirectly. They may use pleading,
manipulation or even threats and blaming to get it. It takes time and practice
to learn how you will respond to these requests to ensure you are not enabling
the problem gambler and keeping your own dignity intact.
Learn
as much as you can about problem gambling including its warning signs, negative
impacts and options for help and recovery. When confronting someone about
problem gambling, stay calm and be supportive. Tell them how their gambling
affects you. Recognize their good qualities and any positive steps they have
made.
Don’t
preach, lecture, or allow yourself to lose control of your anger. Also don’t exclude
the gambler from family life and activities.
Don’t
expect immediate recovery, or that all problems will be resolved when the
gambling stops. Remember that change takes time, effort and often several
attempts to be successful. Be sure to identify triggers and help them learn how
to deal with urges to gamble.
SOURCE:https://www.elementsbehavioralhealth.com/behavioral-process-addictions/how-problem-gambling-affects-the-family/
SOURCE:http://www.paproblemgambling.com/get-help
SOURCE:http://www.haveigotaproblem.com/download/331/Helping-a-family-member-with-a-gambling-problem
SOURCE:http://www.masscompulsivegambling.org/get-help/help-for-family-members/
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